Advice from Martha Smith Standish: Keep it light

Martha Smith Standish, Matriarch 

This entry is being given over to my friend and confidant, Martha Smith Standish.

"May you live in interesting times" ~ Chinese proverb

As many of you have noticed, unless you have been under a rock, we are living in interesting times.

And it being summertime - we are past Memorial Day, after all - its time to go and see your family for reunions, weddings, and the like.

Not that any of the readers of this blog would need this advice. But I am going to wag my finger just the same, and offer my best advice for cooler heads as the times and temperatures rise:

1) Remember, its a family gathering, reunion, picnic or party, period.  It is not a time to grind axes.  How do you know this?  Look around.  Do you see a blacksmith?  A grinding wheel?  No?  Leave your problems in the trunk of your car.  Better yet, let go of them before you get there.

2) Put on your best clothes.  It shows that you respect yourself, the other attendees and the event.  Best clothes are not a "wind" suit, cargo shorts or flip flops.

3) Put on your best manners.  Follow the Golden Rule.

4) Do NOT allow yourself to talk about politics, to anyone.

5) IF you are drawn into a discussion about anything political, change the subject, for example:  

"Jimmy was class President of the fifth grade last year?  Super. Did you like you teacher, Jimmy?  What was your favorite subject?"

6) Do engage family members in pleasant conversation about topics that will not, somehow, turn into politics.   Acceptable topics include:

• Grandma's cooking was the best.
• How about that show, The Middle?
• Does Cleveland have a shot at the Series this year?
• Could you pass me the salt?
• I can't remember the last time I had a glass of lemonade this good!

7) If someone brings up politics, state that you think its 

a) A good time for a walk;

b) Ask you hostess if she has any old pictures, like her wedding album, that she could share;

c) Turn on Lawrence Welk. 

8) Remember, how you say something can cause a misunderstanding:

Method one: "Margery, is that a new haircut?"  Makes people happy. 

Method two: "Margery, is that a new haircut?" Makes people defensive. 

Method three: "Margery what did you do to your hair?" Makes you sound like a bully.

9) Yes, we know that <insert a name> is ruining their < insert a noun> by <insert a verb>.  No one needs you to point it out.  Thank you.

10) Yes, all of this may seem trivial.  But family gatherings are not  places to determine who is right and who is wrong.  That shuts down communication.  Builds walls.  Causes hard feelings.

And yes, you have a right to free speech.  And yes, you also have a right to take a baseball bat to a wasp nest.  That doesn't mean you should.  You could also rob a bank.  But would you?  No!

Same goes for political opinions.

So for a couple hours, hold your tongue.

For everyone's sake.

Family is about being inclusive.  Leave the politics to Facebook.