If you are going to meet someone about shared family, read this.

Miss Hortense is bored.  But Master Julian is attentive and open to learn more. 

One of the things that confounds me, constantly, is how people's minds wander.  I say that because if my brain wasn't attached goodness knows where it would be.

We all have those days, those topics, those moments when we lose sight on the purpose of our task.

When it comes to meeting with distant relatives, or making connections with people who have agreed to share information, images, documents - whatever - that can aid us in the search for our ancestors, we have to sometimes remind ourselves to be on our best manners.

This means looking your best, being prompt if you are arriving (or forgiving if they are coming to you), and being prepared with paper, pencil, and having anything you wish to share with them ready.

All of these points show that you respect their time, their help, and their interests.

Other do's and don't include:

DO accept a beverage if offered.  The are extending an invitation.  However if the conditions prevent you from feeling comfortable, a simple decline with a smile will do.

DO NOT be unorganized - you will be wasting their time.

Be nice, be sincere.

DO exchange pleasant, chit chat and  conversation.  It is considered poor manners to sit down and only conduct business.  The weather, the traffic, etc. and so on.

DO NOT hoard what you know.  This is not a debriefing.  If they ask for things that you do not have, or will need to copy, make a list and follow through after you leave.

DO stay on the family line at hand when the conversation comes around to genealogy.  If you have to jump to a different line, stick to those of common interests.

DO NOT veer into family lines that do not involve them.  If you are talking about the shared Blue family, do veer off into the Orange family.  It may interest you, but trust me, they are most likely are bored if it doesn't involve them.

DO listen to them - God gave us all two ears and one mouth.  And if they begin to veer off onto another family line ("Well Mariah Catherine was a second cousin of Shirley's husband and they descend from blah, blah, blah..."), be polite, and carefully steer your end of the conversation back to the matter at hand.  Be kind, when you do it.  Some people ramblers.

DO NOT overstay your welcome.  If you are both having a lovely and productive time and finding stuff out that both interests you, know when to leave.  It is better to leave them wanting more then feeling exhausted by you.

DO cover all your bases if you agree to meet for the first time in a library, or other safe space, DO call ahead and ask if they have a small conference room or study room where you can talk and see if you can make advance arrangements.

DO NOT get caught unprepared.

DO send a thank you note.  Sounds a bit redundant after the smiles, and the waves good bye.  But it really leaves a good impression.

Don't cause this reaction.  Really, just don't.

DO NOT spill any shocking family gossip.  On that first visit, if you share negative stories, gossip or laugh about someone else, it tells them indirectly that you would do the same to anyone, even them.  Save the intrigue for a later visit.

Finally, the last DO.  If you are unsure about someone, or going someplace unfamiliar - and this goes for genealogy or ANY visit or meeting- make sure someone knows where you are going, when you are getting there, when you plan to leave and what route you are taking.   Then call that person when you return.  It'll make you feel better.